Wednesday, 23 February 2011

A TALE OF TWO ARSES

Ever had one of those days when you really feel that nothings gone right and you should have stayed in bed?
Yes? - Welcome to my life.
The train last night from the Treblinka selection ramp (A.K.A Queens Street, platform 7) back to civilization actually went fairly well. I was joined on my journey by a couple of colleagues who are both almost as disdainful of the state of the Scottish Civil Service than I am - so a major "putting-the-world-to-rights, preferably via the medium of firing squad" was the main topic of conversation (this, despite both of them actually being civil servants!).
But then back in Edinburgh things began to go.., as I believe the vernacular is, "tits-up".
Two of us got on the train to Dunbar - we even got seats.
It pulled out of the station....slowly.
It stopped - in a tunnel and we looked out at darkness.
We looked out again a little later to see if anything had changed. No still darkness.
The state of darkness continued for a good bit longer than it should. And then, oh joy, we began to move - backwards!!
We got back to the station to listen to some nonsense about "blockages on the line", "power failures", "broken dooh-dahs" and other such crap. And then we heard the magic words "... this train is going nowhere for at least an hour".
Now when any rail-type person says "at least an hour" they mean 2-3!
We made a snap decision .... "Quick to the bus station" and bolted off. Only to discover the stairs up to Princess Street were blocked off.
So - a quick dash down to platform 19, through the food court of Princes Mall and up and out to the hurly burly of Edinburgh in the rush hour.... When in the name of hell did they put barriers down half of Princess Street?
As we ran towards the bus station I asked my companion "what time is the bus?", to be told "I don't know".
"So why are we running"???
Got to the station. The buses don't run from there anymore!! Well some do but not ours.
We ran to the stops at St Andrews Square - Nope.
We ran to the stops at York Place - Nope.
We ran to the stops at John Lewis - Yes!!!
"Whens the next bus?"... "Two minutes ago"!
Luckily it was late.
Unluckily there were hardly any seats... I say hardly because "yes" I did get a seat. Oh yes.
I got sat next to Mr Lard Arse, and so spent the next one hour and twenty minutes sat on the razors edge of the seat for fear of sitting on one of the loose folds of butt-cheek that was spilling out all over the place. All the while suffering dark looks from Mr Lard Arse for having the afront to even "deny" him this little section of what he saw as personal space.

So last night I got to the club late and half of them were already away for their run.
I was just about to set off on my own when some more "train refugees" turned up, so I headed out with Brian.
Very pleasant it was too... perhaps, I thought, my luck is looking up. If only.
My downfall came in the shape of two wee boys out kicking a football about the street.
They saw us. I know they saw us because one of them said "Oooh hello joggers". And then they did that sort of was-that-deliberate-you-little-sod thing that only little sods can do. They made out they were trying to avoid us... while getting in the way.
I sort of had to decelerate and side-step at the same time. Didn't work... fell. Less of a "fall" to be honest this time and more a sort of "controlled-crash-landing".
Knocked my elbow, my hip and half of that big muscle located between the base of the spine and top of the leg. Not really a medical man, but "arse" I think it's called.
The wee boys were all "sorry mister. Sorry", but I'm sure I heard them chuckling when I did get up and ran on.
Rest of the run wasn't too bad. Probably the adrenalin keeps you going, but its bloody stiff today and the bruising's coming out a treat. A bit sore for the first part of todays run before it started to wear off a bit.

3 comments:

BDD said...

Stuart, every cloud has a silver lining, always remember that. I scored a PB time on the town run! Many thanks!

Stuart said...

Yes.... (and correct me if I'm wrong here)... the little cloud was mine while the silver lining was yours!!

bandgeekforever said...

Couldn't help but read this blog a day or so ago. Made me smile! :D I love your sarcasm and storytelling abilities. But I agree with BDD, just keep your head held high.